ASK ROMEO: LOVE QUESTIONS ANSWERED

PAINFUL BREAKUP

Dear Romeo, I’m a 26-year-old woman from Paris. I recently went through a painful breakup with my long-term boyfriend, and I’m struggling to move on. The relationship ended because we had different visions for our future, and now I find myself feeling lost and unsure of how to navigate life without him. I’m worried that I won’t find love again and that these feelings of sadness and confusion will linger. How can I heal from this breakup and regain my confidence to move forward and eventually open myself up to love again?

Chloe M., Paris, France

Dear Chloe,

Navigating a breakup can be a challenging and emotional journey, but with time, faith, and the right approach, you can heal and rediscover your confidence. Here are some steps to help you move forward, grounded in biblical principles:

Allow Yourself to Grieve: It’s important to acknowledge and process your feelings. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, and confusion. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Trust that God is with you in your pain.

Self-Care: Focus on taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, and spending time with loved ones. Philippians 4:8 encourages us to focus on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable.

Reflect and Learn: Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you’ve learned from it. Understanding what worked and what didn’t can help you gain clarity and grow from the experience. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding.

Seek Support: Lean on your support network of friends and family. Sharing your feelings with trusted individuals can provide comfort and perspective. If needed, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us that two are better than one, for if they fall, one will lift up the other.

Set New Goals: Redirect your focus towards personal goals and aspirations. Pursuing new interests or revisiting old passions can help you regain a sense of purpose and excitement about the future. Jeremiah 29:11 assures us that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future.

Take it Slow: Allow yourself time to heal before jumping into a new relationship. When you feel ready, take things slow and be open to new possibilities without putting pressure on yourself. Isaiah 40:31 reminds us that those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

Positive Affirmations: Practice positive affirmations to rebuild your self-confidence. Remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and the qualities that make you a wonderful partner. Psalm 139:14 declares that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Healing from a breakup takes time, but with patience, faith, and self-compassion, you can regain your confidence and open your heart to new opportunities for love and happiness. Trust in God’s timing and His plan for your life.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee

MOMENT OF PASSION

Dear Romeo, 

Dear Romeo, I am 25 year old woman from Los Angeles. I make big mistake in moment of passion. Even with my strong Christian faith and values, I let guard down. Now I am pregnant and feel very guilty, scared, and confused. I very afraid how family will react because they have high expectations for me. I also worry what church and people will think. I feel lost and don't know what do. How tell family and church about this? What do to move forward with faith and values? Also, I don't know if keep baby or have abortion. My partner want me abort, but I don't want. He say he leave me if I don't do it. I don't know what do and need help make right choice for me and future.

Anya K., Los Angeles, USA

Dear Anya,

Navigating this situation is incredibly challenging, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. God’s love and grace are with you. Here’s how you can move forward and make decisions that align with your faith and values:

1. Seek God’s Forgiveness and Guidance: Begin by seeking God’s forgiveness and guidance. 1 John 1:9 assures us, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." Pray for strength, wisdom, and discernment as you face this difficult decision.
2. Confide in Trusted Individuals: Share your situation with a trusted family member, friend, or mentor who can offer support and guidance. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counsellors there is safety." Having a support system can help you navigate the emotional and practical aspects of this situation.
3. Prepare for the Conversation: When you feel ready, have an honest conversation with your family. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to "speak the truth in love." Explain your situation sincerely and express your desire for their understanding and support.
4. Lean on Your Faith Community: While it may be daunting, reaching out to your church community can provide spiritual support and encouragement. Galatians 6:2 tells us, "Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Your faith community can offer prayers, guidance, and practical help.
5. Consider Your Options: Take time to consider your options for the future, including parenting, adoption, or other resources available to you. Psalm 32:8 promises, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you." Seek counsel from trusted individuals and professionals to make an informed decision.
6. Reflect on the Sanctity of Life: As a Christian, consider the sanctity of life as taught in the Bible. Psalm 139:13-14 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Reflect on the value and potential of the life growing inside you.
7. Pray for Clarity and Peace: Spend time in prayer, asking God for clarity and peace about your decision. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
8. Seek Professional Help: Consider seeking counselling or joining a support group for single mothers or women in similar situations. Professional help can provide you with the emotional and practical tools needed to navigate this journey.
9. Address Your Partner’s Ultimatum: Your partner’s threat to leave you if you don’t have an abortion adds significant pressure. Reflect on whether this relationship aligns with your values and whether he respects your autonomy and beliefs. Proverbs 22:24-25 advises, "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared." It’s crucial to consider the impact of this relationship on your well-being and future.
10. Trust in God’s Plan: Trust that God has a plan for you and your child. Jeremiah 29:11 reassures us, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Have faith that God’s plan is always for your good, even in difficult circumstances.
11. Explore Support Resources: Look into local and national resources that support women facing unplanned pregnancies. Organisations like pregnancy resource centers can offer counselling, medical care, and practical assistance as you make your decision.

Facing this situation will require strength, faith, and courage. By seeking God’s guidance, leaning on your support system, and making thoughtful decisions, you can move forward in a way that honours your faith and values.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee

WORK-RELATIONSHIP BALANCE

Dear Romeo, I am a 37-year-old woman from Singapore. I have a successful career as a lawyer, and I am deeply passionate about my work. For many years, I have focused primarily on my career, and now I find myself ready to seek a meaningful, long-term relationship. However, I have encountered several challenges in this journey. Firstly, the men I have dated often seem intimidated by my career and ambition, leading to feelings of inadequacy on their part. This has caused strain and ultimately the end of several potential relationships. Secondly, I come from a traditional family that has certain expectations about marriage and gender roles. My parents have been supportive of my career, but they also expect me to settle down and start a family, which adds another layer of pressure. Lastly, the dating scene in a bustling city like Singapore can be overwhelming, with its fast-paced lifestyle and cultural nuances. I find it difficult to navigate online dating platforms, and the traditional matchmaking methods my family suggests seem outdated and not suited to my personality and lifestyle. How can I balance my professional life with my personal desire for a meaningful relationship, manage my family's expectations, and effectively navigate the modern dating landscape to find a partner who respects and supports my ambitions?

Tiffany W., Changi, Singapore

Dear Tiffany,

Your situation is indeed complex, but it’s also very relatable for many ambitious individuals seeking a balance between professional success and personal fulfillment. Here are some strategies to help you navigate this multifaceted journey, grounded in biblical principles:

Embrace Your Ambition: Begin by embracing and taking pride in your career and ambitions. Remember that your worth is not determined by others’ perceptions but by God. Colossians 3:23 says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." The right partner will respect and cherish these qualities.

Communicate Openly: When dating, be upfront about your career and life goals from the start. Clear communication can help filter out those who may not be supportive or understanding of your lifestyle. Proverbs 12:22 emphasises the value of honesty: "The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy."

Seek Compatibility: Focus on finding compatibility in core values and life goals. Look for someone who shares your outlook on life, whether it’s through mutual interests, values, or future plans. Amos 3:3 asks, "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" Compatibility in these areas can help bridge differences that may arise from your career dynamics.

Balance and Boundaries: While your career is important, so is your personal life. Create a balance by setting boundaries at work and making time for social activities. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." Ensure you dedicate quality time to date and build relationships without compromising your professional commitments.

Family Conversations: Addressing family expectations requires tact and understanding. Have an open and honest conversation with your parents about your desire to find a partner who respects your career. Explain that while you value their traditions, you also need a relationship that aligns with your modern lifestyle. Exodus 20:12 encourages honouring your parents, but Ephesians 6:4 advises, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

Modern Dating: Navigating the dating scene in a city like Singapore can be daunting, but it’s not impossible. If online dating feels overwhelming, consider niche dating apps that cater to professionals. These platforms often have users who are more understanding of demanding careers. Additionally, networking events, professional gatherings, and hobby groups can provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals in a more relaxed setting. Proverbs 18:24 tells us, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

Professional Matchmaking: If traditional matchmaking feels outdated, consider professional matchmaking services that cater to busy professionals. These services can provide personalised matches based on your specific criteria and can be a valuable resource in finding someone compatible. "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed," says Proverbs 15:22.

Cultural Sensitivity: Be mindful of cultural nuances and norms, but don’t let them dictate your choices entirely. Strive to find a partner who respects your cultural background while also appreciating your individuality and modern outlook. Galatians 3:28 reminds us, "There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus."

Finding a partner who respects and supports your ambitions while aligning with your personal and cultural values is a journey that requires patience, self-awareness, and clear communication. Trust that with the right approach, you can find a fulfilling relationship that complements your career and personal life.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee

READY TO START AGAIN...BUT

Hello Romeo, I’m a 34-year-old single father from Toronto. After my divorce two years ago, I have been solely focused on raising my 8-year-old daughter and rebuilding our lives. Now that I feel more settled and ready to start dating again, I find myself facing unique challenges. Dating as a single parent is tough because I want to ensure that any potential partner is not only a good match for me but also someone who will be positive and supportive for my child. I worry about balancing my responsibilities as a father with my desire to find companionship and love. Additionally, I am concerned about how to introduce a new person into my daughter's life without causing her confusion or distress. How can I approach dating in a way that prioritizes my child's well-being, manages my responsibilities, and honors my desire for a meaningful relationship?

Mark T., Toronto, Canada

Dear Mark,

Dating as a single parent presents unique challenges, but with careful consideration and a heart grounded in biblical principles, you can navigate this journey successfully. Here’s how you can approach dating with your child’s well-being in mind while seeking a meaningful relationship:

Seek God’s Guidance: Begin by seeking God’s guidance in your dating journey. Proverbs 3:5-6 advises, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." Pray for wisdom and discernment in choosing a partner who will be a positive influence on both you and your child.

Prioritize Your Child: Your child’s well-being is paramount. Ensure that any potential partner understands and respects your responsibilities as a father. Ephesians 6:4 reminds us, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Look for someone who values family and demonstrates patience and kindness.

Open Communication: Be open with your daughter about your desire to date. Age-appropriate conversations can help her understand your intentions and feel included in the process. Ensure she knows that she remains your top priority. Psalm 127:3 says, "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him."

Take it Slow: Introduce new partners to your child gradually. Allow time for the relationship to develop and ensure it’s stable before involving your child. Proverbs 19:2 cautions, "Desire without knowledge is not good - how much more will hasty feet miss the way!" Patience is key in building trust and a solid foundation.

Observe Interactions: Pay attention to how potential partners interact with your child. Look for qualities such as kindness, respect, and a genuine interest in your child’s well-being. Colossians 3:12 encourages us, "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience."

Create Balance: Balancing your role as a father and your desire for a relationship requires careful time management. Set boundaries to ensure you spend quality time with your child while also nurturing your romantic relationship. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."

Support Network: Lean on your support network of friends, family, and faith community. They can provide valuable insights, emotional support, and practical help. Hebrews 10:24-25 encourages us, "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

Trust God’s Plan: Trust that God has a plan for your life and your child’s life. Jeremiah 29:11 assures us, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Have faith that the right partner will come into your life in God’s perfect timing.

By grounding your dating journey in these biblical principles, you can create a healthy and supportive environment for both you and your child. Balancing your responsibilities and desires with faith and wisdom will lead you toward a fulfilling and God-centred relationship.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee

MISSING THE PASSION

Dear Romeo, My husband and I have been married for 15 years, and I feel like we've lost the spark in our relationship. When we first got married, we were deeply in love and couldn't get enough of each other. But over the years, with the demands of our careers and raising our two children, we've grown apart. Our conversations have become mundane, often revolving around household chores and our kids' schedules, and we rarely spend quality time together anymore. It seems like we’re always exhausted, and intimacy has taken a back seat. I miss the closeness and passion we once had, and I'm worried that if we don’t address this now, it could lead to further disconnection or even resentment. How can we reconnect, reignite the passion, and rebuild our bond to make our marriage stronger and more fulfilling?

Emily T., Melbourne, Australia

Dear Emily,

It’s natural for relationships to go through phases, especially with the demands of careers and parenting. Reigniting the spark in your marriage requires intentional effort from both partners. Here are some steps to help you reconnect and bring back the passion in your marriage, grounded in biblical principles:

Prioritize Your Relationship: Ephesians 5:33 encourages, "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." Make your relationship a priority by setting aside regular time for just the two of you. Schedule weekly date nights or weekend getaways to focus on each other without distractions.

Communicate Openly: Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Have an honest conversation about how you’re feeling. Express your desire to reconnect and discuss ways you both can contribute to reigniting the passion. Open communication is key to understanding each other's needs and desires.

Pray Together: Matthew 18:20 reminds us, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Praying together can strengthen your spiritual connection and provide a sense of shared purpose. Make it a habit to pray for your marriage, seeking God’s guidance and blessing.

Show Appreciation: 1 Thessalonians 5:11 encourages us, "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." Small gestures of appreciation can make a big difference. Write notes, give compliments, and acknowledge the little things your partner does. Showing gratitude can reignite feelings of love and respect.

Reconnect Emotionally: Philippians 2:4 advises, "Not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Engage in activities that promote emotional intimacy, such as sharing your dreams, discussing meaningful topics, and supporting each other’s goals. Deep emotional connection often leads to a stronger physical connection.

Rediscover Shared Interests: Spend time doing activities you both enjoy. Whether it’s cooking together, taking a walk, or engaging in a shared hobby, these moments can help you reconnect. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."

Physical Affection: Song of Solomon 1:2 states, "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth - for your love is more delightful than wine." Physical touch is an important aspect of intimacy. Small gestures such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing can help reignite the spark. Make time for physical closeness, even if it’s just a few moments each day.

Seek Professional Help: Proverbs 15:22 says, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed." If necessary, consider couples counselling to address deeper issues and learn effective communication and intimacy-building techniques. A professional can provide valuable tools and insights to help strengthen your relationship.

Recommit to Each Other: Remember the commitment you made to each other and to God on your wedding day. Ecclesiastes 4:12 reminds us, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Recommit to your marriage and to making it a priority in your lives.

Rebuilding intimacy requires ongoing effort and commitment from both partners. By prioritizing your relationship, communicating openly, and seeking God’s guidance, you can rekindle the love and passion that brought you together.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee 

NOT MEETING PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS

Dear Romeo, I’m a 28-year-old woman from Johannesburg. I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the past six months. He is incredibly caring, loving, and supportive, and he treats me with the utmost respect. He shares my values and has a strong faith in God, which is very important to me. We have a great emotional and intellectual connection, and he genuinely makes me happy. However, I struggle with the fact that he does not meet my physical requirements. I’ve always had a certain type in mind when it comes to physical appearance, and he doesn’t fit that mold. I feel guilty for feeling this way because he is such a great person in every other aspect. I’m torn between my superficial preferences and the genuine qualities he possesses. What should I do? Should I try to look past my physical preferences, or is physical attraction too important to overlook?

Sesotho M., Johannesburg, South Africa

Dear Sesotho,

Your question touches on a significant and often challenging aspect of relationships. It’s wonderful that you’ve found a partner who embodies many of the qualities you value deeply. Here are some steps to help you navigate this situation, grounded in biblical principles:

Seek God’s Guidance: Pray for wisdom and discernment in your relationship. James 1:5 reminds us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Trust that God will guide you to make the best decision for your future.

Reflect on True Qualities: Proverbs 31:30 says, "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Focus on the lasting qualities that truly matter in a partner. Consider the strength of his character, his faith, and the love and respect he shows you.

Evaluate Physical Attraction: Physical attraction is an important aspect of a relationship, but it’s not the only one. Song of Solomon 4:7 says, "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you." Reflect on whether your physical preferences are overshadowing the deeper connection you have with him.

Open Communication: Have an honest conversation with your partner about your feelings. Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to "speak the truth in love." Sharing your concerns respectfully can help both of you understand each other better and work through any insecurities or doubts.

Consider Long-Term Compatibility: Think about the qualities that will sustain a long-term relationship. Proverbs 18:22 states, "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." A strong emotional and spiritual connection often provides a solid foundation for a lasting partnership.

Seek Counsel: Proverbs 15:22 advises, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed." Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a mentor who can offer you objective advice and perspective on your situation.

Reflect on Your Priorities: Ask yourself what truly matters in a life partner. 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us, "The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." Consider whether you can find contentment and happiness in a relationship built on love, respect, and shared faith, even if it doesn’t meet all your physical ideals.

Trust in God’s Plan: Jeremiah 29:11 assures us, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Trust that God has a plan for your life and your relationship, and seek His guidance in every decision.

Balancing physical attraction with deeper qualities can be challenging, but focusing on what truly matters in a relationship can lead to a fulfilling and God-centered partnership. Trust in God’s wisdom and guidance as you navigate this decision.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee 

CANNOT HAVE A BABY

Dear Romeo, I am 27 year old woman from Seoul. I will get engaged soon with my love. Recently, doctor say I have condition and cannot have baby. My boyfriend (going to be husband) love children very much and we talk about big family. I am very afraid if I tell him, he will leave me. I don't want to lose him but I know I must be honest. How to tell him this bad news and what to do? I am very worry.

Soo-jin K., Seoul, Korea

Dear Soo-jin,

Your situation is deeply challenging, but honesty and faith are key. Here are some steps to help you navigate this difficult conversation, grounded in biblical principles:

Pray for Guidance: Begin by seeking God’s guidance through prayer. James 1:5 reminds us, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Pray for the right words and the strength to share your news.

Trust in God's Plan: Remember that God has a plan for you and your relationship. Jeremiah 29:11 assures us, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Trust that He will guide you through this.

Be Honest and Open: Honesty is crucial in any relationship. Ephesians 4:25 encourages us, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." Share your diagnosis with your fiancé openly and sincerely.

Choose the Right Time and Place: Find a quiet and private time to have this important conversation. Ensure that both of you are in a calm and relaxed state to discuss this sensitive topic.

Express Your Feelings: Share your fears and concerns with him. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Let your fiancé ("boyfriend going to be husband") know how much you value your relationship and your hopes for your future together.

Provide Information: Help him understand your condition by providing information and discussing potential options. Proverbs 18:15 says, "The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge, for the ears of the wise seek it out." Discuss possibilities like adoption or fostering if you both still wish to have children in your lives.

Listen and Be Patient: Give him time to process the information and express his feelings. James 1:19 advises, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry." Listening to each other’s thoughts and emotions is vital.

Seek Support Together: Consider seeking counsel from a pastor, counselor, or trusted mentor who can provide guidance and support. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed."

Trust in Love: Remember that true love is resilient and understanding. 1 Corinthians 13:7 says, "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Trust that your fiancé’s love for you will help both of you navigate this challenge together.

Pray Together: Invite your fiancé to pray with you about this situation. Matthew 18:20 tells us, "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." Praying together can strengthen your bond and provide comfort and guidance.

Facing this situation with honesty, faith, and love will help you both navigate this challenge. Trust in God’s plan for your relationship and lean on your faith for strength and guidance.

Warm Regards, Romeo Lee