When you’re stepping out for a date, especially in the Christian dating scene, it’s crucial to keep the conversation uplifting and edifying. While it's great to be open and honest, there are some topics best left for later, or not brought up at all, to maintain a respectful and pleasant atmosphere. Here are a few things to avoid discussing on your dates:
- Never discuss with your date about your past boyfriend, girlfriend or former spouse! This is a definite no, no. No one wants to hear about how great or bad your past girlfriend, boyfriend, or former spouse was! Don't dwell on the past. Your new date might think you're trying to make them like your past date or spouse, and this may be a turn off for them! Discussing your ex-partners can divert the focus away from the potential of your current relationship. So it's wise to leave the past in the past, at least initially. As Philippians 3:13-14 advises, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Let your conversation reflect the new beginning you’re seeking, not the past.
- Don't talk about how much money you have or lack of it. This may come across to your date as your way of telling them that money is the most important thing to you in a relationship. This could be a relationship ender for you. Money talks, but maybe not on a first date. Whether you're financially well-off or not, focusing on financial matters can give the impression that material wealth holds a higher value to you than spiritual richness. Matthew 6:21 reminds us, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Aim to learn about each other’s hearts and characters, not bank accounts.
- Don't discuss your past intimacies! This is a definite no for discussion. This may make your date very uncomfortable and put them in an awkward position as to what you may or may not expect from them. Steer far away from this topic. This would be your best bet in your new relationship if you don't want to create waves. Such conversations could lead to comparisons and discomfort. This topic can be particularly sensitive and sharing details about past intimacies isn't advisable early on.
- Don't gossip about others. It's really not important for you to discuss this with your date. Some people see others that gossip as busy bodies who have to be involved in everyone else's business but their own! This may be a turnoff for your date who could be a person that values their privacy and is a non gossiper. Gossip can be harmful and is discouraged in the Bible. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Keep your discussions positive and constructive, aiming to learn more about each other’s interests, values, and dreams.
- Don't talk about how you cheated your previous date. Don't even think about talking about this in your new relationship! No one wants to hear about you cheating in a past relationship. If you decide to talk about this subject, be prepared for your date to possibly tell you to take a hike! They may decide that they don't want to risk the chance of you cheating on them, since you have a history of doing this! You do have a pre-existing history of cheating, remember you told them so. Get the picture, don't talk about it! If you’ve made mistakes in the past, like cheating, consider the timing carefully before bringing this up. Building trust is essential, and focusing on who you are now and how you’ve grown is more beneficial. Discussing this topic should be done thoughtfully and at an appropriate time, showing your commitment to honesty and integrity.
- Stay away from talking about unimportant things. Lastly, try to keep the conversation meaningful. While it’s okay to share light-hearted stories, aim to connect on deeper levels that reflect your faith and values. Engage in discussions that foster mutual respect, shared goals, and spiritual depth.
By steering clear of these topics, you can foster a more meaningful, respectful, and enjoyable conversation that can help you both determine if your relationship has the potential to grow in a direction that honors God and each other. Happy dating!